I admit it: I was "driven" for most of my life…My school teachers and employers would tell you that I worked hard and that I was determined. And indeed, I got a lot of things accomplished in rather adverse circumstances.
But, years later, all these things ended up feeling empty. What was driving me forward was not inspiration, but desperation. I was so worried about life in general that I kept making lists of things that I needed to do in order to be happy and then rush to complete them as fast as humanly possible.
My life was a rat race that I could never win!
I feel eternally grateful that something happened to stop me in my tracks. Otherwise I could have lived my own life like this: hurried, accomplished and miserable. While I was pregnant, I underwent a spiritual awakening which turned on my Empath and Intuitive skills all at once.
Suddenly, I could see that there was a LOT more going on that I thought. And for a while there, I was completely paralyzed. My system was broken and no amount of lists could help me. I didn't even know what should be on the list!
The thing with Intuition is that once you start listening to it, it becomes really hard to ignore it. And that can be seen as either a good thing or a bad thing…For example, I decided to redo my kitchen cabinet doors, oh that must have been 3 years ago. And I just finished them a few weeks ago!
If I had been "driven" by desperation, I would have gotten it done as quickly as possible. But instead my Intuition always directed me to wait for inspiration, so as to get it done as happily as possible. In fact, when I tried to force it and ignore my intuition, everything
would go wrong and I'd end up dropping the hammer on my toes!
Yes, it took a long time. But along the way I had hundreds of amazing insights about that kitchen that I would not have gotten if I had finished it in two weekends. I got creative ideas on how to do things more efficiently. I changed the colors I had in mind many times until I found the perfect one which I now adore. And every brush stroke left me with such a sense of fulfillment.
This process of inspiration is pervasive in my life now. And yet, once in a while I get caught in my old habits and try to get something done fast, just because it should be done. Fortunately, that doesn't go very far until my Intuitive sense kicks in and reminds me that there is nothing valuable about action unless it's filled with meaning.
Elise Lebeau, Ph.D.