Day 4: Being an Empath in a romantic relationship

Entanglement
Being an Empath can be a huge advantage in the beginning of a relationship as you seem to be able to read the other person's mind and heart!
But it can become an uncomfortable disadvantage when you become very close and are overwhelmed by their emotions...

One of the major challenges of being in a close relationship is that you are constantly feeling "their stuff".
This can lead to a tough situation where your own thoughts and emotions become entangled with someone else's...

During an argument, you can become angrier and angrier as you feel both your frustration and your partner's frustration at the same time!
You're litterally doubling the intensity of the negative emotions you are experiencing.

Also, Empaths can find themselves irritated or resentful at their spouse for no apparent reason. Or if there is a reason, it feels petty and small...it certainly doesn't explain the intensity of their negative emotions.

Basically, you have the impression that "something is wrong" but you can't describe the problem with words. That can be really frustrating especially if you can't tell if the problem is happening to you or if this is something they are feeling that might be totally unrelated to you!

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Intensity
Another challenge in close relationships, which often comes up during sex or someone is touching you, is the issue of intensity.
Even if it's very positive (like love), intense emotions can be overwhelming for Empaths. We're so sensitive that feeling such powerful emotions is overloading our senses and we need to pull back, oftentimes both emotionally and physically.

Women Empath might even feel an aversion from being touched by a loving husband or totally exhausted from holding their new born baby.
NOTE: You can read more about this topic in this thread on our Empath Community web site.

Keep in mind that this kind of reaction is NOT a sign that something is wrong. This is a frequent misconception for Empaths...if we feel bad, we assume that something bad is going on. I've seen Empaths worry that their spouse is having an affair or that they're lying about something. When in fact they were feeling the intensity of their spouse's powerful emotions.

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Interpretation
I've mentioned a few times how your brain interprets the emotions you pick up from other people.
A word of warning: It's very easy for untrained Empaths to misinterpret what they perceive from their partner.
It happens to all of us!

One of the most common misinterpretation is that if you can feel it, they can feel it too.
As you might have found out already, that's not how it works.

When you read emotional information from someone, you typically cannot tell whether these are conscious or unconscious feelings!
So keep in mind that you cannot assume other people feel what you feel! It's always best to ask them how they feel instead of assuming that you know.

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Exercise 4: Holding your space

The following exercises will help you separate your own thoughts and emotions from your partner's by create and holding your own "inner space".

1. As we discussed earlier, proximity makes it more likely that you'll inadvertedly start feeling other people's emotions. Find a place outside your house where you can be at least 50 feet away from other people. The more space the better, depending on your sensitivity. I personally go to a very secluded spot in the forest when I do this exercise. I also go to the beach on weekdays, when no one else is there!
   
   
2. In this isolation, it's easier to focus on your own feeling exclusively. Let's anchor that feeling in your mind. While in your secluded place, say out loud: "I only feel my own emotions". Say this sentence a few times.
   
   
3. Next time you find yourself feeling irritated at your partner or in the middle of an argument, pause for a moment and tell yourself that sentence again (just in your mind is fine): "I only feel my own emotions". Your mind will instantly do what it takes to bring you back to that place of "just you". You might immediately experience a significant decrease in the intensity of your emotions! Again, this is not an overnight process. Keep practicing it until it becomes second nature.
   
   

Now that you have "cleared" your own emotional space, it's important to "hold it". Empaths are very easily overrun by other people's emotions. We'll give in, be swayed in our opinions or settle for a bad compromise just to make it stop. Notice that the other person does not know that their emotions are painful to us. Unless they're an Empath too, they can't imagine how hard it is to feel "emotional pressure". So it's critical that you learn to hold your emotional space without having to put on a full suit of "armor".

Here's one way to do this:

1. Before you start a conversation with your partner, take a moment to close your eyes and imagine a bubble around you about 2 or 3 feet from your body. This is your personal space. In this space, you only allow your own emotions to flow.
   
   
2. Now imagine the same kind of bubble around your partner. That's their personal space.
   
   
3. During an argument or negotiation, your personal space can collapse and allow your partner's emotions to flow closer and closer to you until they completely overrun you. By then, you can't tell what you feel anymore. To avoid this, make sure you don't sit too close to your partner. Leave enough physical space between the two of you so you can both maintain your personal space.
   
   
4. If you start to feel confused or overhwelmed, pause for a moment and check your bubble...Is is collapsed? If you're not sure, just imagine that you're pushing it out again, back to it's normal size of 2 or 3 feet. Phew, that will probably feel better right away!
   
   

For every exercise, I recommend that you practice it for at least 24 hours.
My official motto is quite simple: If it feels better, keep doing it!

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Checkpoint

In order to keep this program comfortable, I recommend that you wait 24 hours before moving on to the next topic.

It's easy to get overwhelmed without realizing it. We all need time to digest and integrate!
So take a moment right now to evaluate how you are feeling before moving on to another topic!

Thank you for respecting the copyrights of my work!

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